The Start of This Journey

As of 11pm on Friday, June 6, 2009, I am unemployed. No, I wasn't laid off or fired for some horrendous offense. No, I didn't quit because I have another great job offer that starts soon or because our hours were cut to nothingness. I chose to resign from my position because I am deciding to make myself and my happiness a priority, and also because I do not want to represent and be associated with some of the tactics that were being employed by an individual who was supposed to embody integrity.

I have taken this "break" upon my graduation from college, possessing my BA in Psychology and ready to take on the world. This is the most "reckless" decision anyone has ever seen me make, although the decision really isn't reckless at all. It was well thought out and poured over for many a hard night. I plan to use this time to "find ME" and to discover what my true passion is, as well as to explore every possible outlet in which I can manifest my passion and embrace life. I know that I am happier and a much more positive force on this planet when I am not constrained and suffocated with lies and dishonesty. I want to be free to be myself, however non traditional the method may be, and I know that I am at a perfect crossroads to take this opportunity and be emboldened by it.

How bout how good it feels to finally forgive you

I'm too tired to pretend anymore.

So if you asked me how I felt I'd tell you that I loved you more than you'll ever know.

I'd tell you that I'm terrified of losing certain people.

I'd tell you that I feel like an outcast around people that love me.

I'd tell you that I feel like an outcast to myself sometimes.

I'd tell you that I feel guilty for feeling these things, and that I'm certain I'm just a selfish person.

I'd tell you that you don't really have to do anything to make me happy-just be and just love me.

I'd tell you that I am so afraid of what is going to happen next.

I'd tell you that I feel like a huge disappointment.

I'd tell you that I'm so sorry.

I'm tired of trying, I'm tired of putting on a face and pretending. I'm just so damn tired. I'm exhausted and find myself only wanting to sleep. I find myself in this dark hole and unable to get out-I'm hoping I can find my own light and cover this hole up for good. 

I've decided that the things that are going to take precedence in my life are not things at all, but people, feelings, and emotions. I've decided that I am going to return to a more innocent version of me and practice unconditional love and compassion at every possible outlet. I've decided I don't want to be or feel like this anymore. I have decided that I am going to love and accept ME and make ME a priority, while also using this self love to make others happy and fulfilled. I fully believe the Universe has sent me what I asked for and that I am right where I need to be. I know that I will be taken care of and that the Powers That Be have a great plan for me, and that I can bring that plan to fruition.